Citizen Erased

"Wash me away, clean your body of me,
Erase all the memories, they'll only bring us pain,
And I've seen all I'll ever need"

I've always loved these lyrics; they are so beautifully sad but true, in my opinion. Today being the 10th anniversary of the release of one of the best Muse's best albums, Origin of Symmetry, seems like an appropriate time to bring this up. Well actually, I had written this blog about 3 months ago. The reason I didn't post it was because it was too bitter so I thought I'd wait for a more appropriate time when I would have a different perspective and re-word it, which is exactly what I have done. So anyway, this is going to get deep so turn away now if you can't handle it!

The reason I love these lyrics so much is I can really connect with them. If there is ever an event or person that causes me pain in my life then I would much rather forget all of the memories, good or bad, because remembering only causes me more hurt. If the memory was bad then it's obvious why it hurts, but if the memory was a good one then it hurts even more because life isn't like that anymore. This is contradictory to what certain "self-help guru's" preach. 

A common method of "letting go" taught by many of these self-help types is to imagine a bubble or a pen (in terms of animals, you know?) and put all of the good memories inside this and mentally blow them away (or blow them up if you chose the pen option, I'm guessing?). I find this a bit hard to imagine for several reasons. Firstly, can you really just "blow" away all those memories that easily? I highly doubt it. Secondly, why would you want to get rid of just all the good memories? Wouldn't that leave you with only bad memories and make you feel even more bitter thus making it harder to let go? Now I know this contradicts what I said earlier about good memories being more painful, but even I hold on to good memories (whether I want to or not). At least if you can only remember the good memories then you are slightly brainwashed into believing nothing was ever wrong because, until someone brings it up again, you've forgotten the bad things that happened. 

To be honest, the whole thing's a paradox, and over the recent weeks I have realised that you don't need to listen to any of these so called self-help experts to find the secrets of letting go. Nor can you try, using whatever method, to let go of anything. You can't really let go of anything until there is something worthwhile in your life that is big enough to fill the gap after you let go of whatever it is. Se when the time is right, you will be able to let go. You may even be able to hold on to the good memories without it hurting. 

So I leave you with my lyric of the day which is a rather different, more hopeful, way of looking at letting go (well in my interpretation, which, considering the artist, is often proven wrong) than those of Muse's Citizen Erased.

Lyric of the Day: "I gave you back your power, I gave you back your glory, when really I hadn't noticed, until I had the power to give it all back, until I felt the glory when the buildings collapsed" - The Power and the Glory, White Lies

Rock The Kasbah!

I know after my last blog post it must seem as though I've lost the function to communicate in any form of coherency, but I really can't convey this in words, definitely not written words anyway. So yet again, despite jeopardizing my anonymity on blogger, I will just have to post a photo. If you've read any of my previous blogs you'll understand why this is just... :Dx100000000000

me with Harry McVeigh, as if it needed an explanation!

Literally my dreams have come true. Standing there just didn't feel real, to be honest I still have to pinch myself! It was soooo amaaaazing, and thanks to my brother's inability to use a camera I was stood there for just a bit longer than necessary. Needless to say, it was well worth the trip to Coventry and a bit of my heart broke as I had to wash that section of my shoulder in the shower this morning.  

Lyric of the Day: "Maybe some day I could move like you" - Holy Ghost, White Lies

It feels like ages since I've written a blog post! I kept meaning to do one as so much has being going on! But that's exactly why I haven't done one. To think I thought I'd have to stop during study leave, yet whilst I was doing my exams I managed to post quite often, since the summer holidays have began I just haven't had the time! As I have said, so much has happened and I really can't be arsed to go into it all. In short, I finished my exams (including the tragic textiles exam), have left school for EVER, had my ball/prom thing and various other events have gone on. 

In all the commotion it appears to have slipped my my mind that I have finished art! It's a miracle! Well, until I start my year long art course in September (which will be a lot better than A Level art so I'm not really counting it as the same thing). I don't think I can explain what a relief this is, so I'll just post a photo from the exhibition:

Anyway, later that day something even better happened: I went and saw The Killers!! I actually can't put into words how good this was. Despite loving them since Hot Fuss I really didn't think it would be as amazing as it was, mainly because I though they'd play some new stuff and a lot of songs off Day and Age, which is my least favourite album. But they didn't! It was a proper comeback gig, in my opinion: they played mainly songs off Hot Fuss and Sam's Town, my two favourite albums! It's just so great that they are "finally" back together and Brandon Flowers has realised that he is nothing on his own. One of my life ambitions to see them live was crushed when they went on hiatus, luckily it turned out to be the most pathetic hiatus in history. Oh it literally was one of the best nights, despite the rain; I'm telling you, it's up there with Muse, and that says a lot! It was made even better by the atmosphere and the crowd. After briefly encountering some idiots during Kaiser Chiefs (who were also amazing!) which caused us to move to a much more central position, in front of the stage, we found ourselves in the company of some seriously awesome Killers fans (who also happened to be Muse fans :D) who seemed to be as crazy about them as we did. This just made it so much more enjoyable as we were all belting our hearts out all night! It sucks when you end up next to people who seem like half-arsed fans. I haven't been able to listen to The Killers in the same way since, and it's slightly, no very, torturous listening to the songs that did get played (which included Bling!! I practically died! :D). It may sound pathetic, but the emotions come flooding back to me so much when listening to some songs that I could almost cry. I literally can't put it into words, so again I'll leave you with a photo:

possibly the only disappointment was that Brandon Flowers wasn't wearing his trademark feather coat, on the plus side he didn't have a mustache!

In short, I have to see them again, ASAP! But in the mean time, I'm off to see White Lies!

Lyric of the Day: "saw Cinderella in a party dress, but she was looking for a nightgown" - A Dustland Fairytale, The Killers

 

She Shall Go To The Ball!

If I'd have written this blog 48 hours ago, or even less, like I had been planning to, then it would probably be a whiny rant about the dire state of the British fashion retail outlets and how they seem to completely disregard about 90% of the young female market. Since finishing Japanese (woohoo!!!) and my weekend off (more about that later, maybe) I intended to resume my textiles revision. Instead, I have spent a large part of the last week trying to finally find a dress for my upcoming leavers ball. To be perfectly honest, I had practically given up before the week began and was mentally preparing myself to make a dress, and to be honest I was actually looking forward to it. Never the less, since my nanny was over from Ireland I tried once more to find a dress. 

Well let me tell you, I would never have guessed dress shopping would be so stressful! It has been the bane of my life for past month! First of all, I have trawled my local shops (no surprises there wasn't much there) then moved onto London and Westfield, which I made several trips to at various points in the year, and finally a nearby large shopping center. What I found was a severe lack of dresses suitable (at least what I or my parents deemed as suitable) for a ball. The few dresses that were suitable were well over £300 or even £500. There were a few mid range dresses that were about £200, but paying that for a glorified evening dress seems a bit steep for me. Then, the odd time I did find a gem they didn't have my size. Typical. 

Oh, I said this wouldn't be a ranty blog, let me get back to the point. Well, Murphy's law, yesterday I ended up going back to my local shop and buying a dress I'd tried on there weeks ago. It is an amazing dress and, thanks to some haggling due to a broken zip, it only cost £48! Why didn't I buy it in the first place, the males among you may ask. Females might understand;  the truth is, it was nice on me the first time I tried it on but, since I hadn't looked at much else at the time, I thought I'd find something better. Going back to it after weeks of joyless shopping I realised how amazing it really was, and since they still had my size (2 of them!) after all these weeks it must have been fate. 

The funniest thing is, the most stressful thing about trying to find a dress is the pressure everyone else seems to put on you. That's why I like shopping alone, or at least with a friend who understands. Having to justify every time why you don't want to even bother looking in "Jacques Vert" or the like (for the last time, 18 year old's don't shop there!!!) or why you don't want to buy a dress that fits you and they think looks nice, gets extremely tiring, much more so than trying the actual dresses on! Maybe it's just me, maybe a future fashion designer in the making is the hardest person to go shopping with. In fact, that's exactly the thing, isn't it? I said earlier about how I had resigned myself to making my own dress, I had in fact a few sketches already penned. I would still love to make these dresses, they were pretty amazing, if I must say so myself! Anyway, they were at the back of my head the whole time, I even knew exactly where I'd buy the fabric and knowing that it would cost about 10% of the price was an attractive feature! So I basically compared every dress I tried on to that, so of course nothing could beat it!

It's really got me thinking, the UK needs a prom dress supplier, not like those cheesy, tacky American ones though, that the average teenage girl can ship at, ie not over £200, under £100 even. Something that sells long formal gowns, and shorter flouncy prom dresses, and everything in between. There are too many retailers bringing out the same old dresses every year. Oh and another thing I noticed, considering the fact that girls going to these leaving balls are between 16 and 18 years old, why are there so many so called "prom dresses" that look like frumpy bridesmaid dresses, that age you so much? You're only 18 once and there'll be plenty of opportunities to wear more serious dresses in the future. I think there is a serious gap in the market there!  

I have rambled for waaay to long, more about my amazing weekend next time, I'm off to catch up on Mock The Week and have some coffee cake!

Lyric of the Day: "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamm door?" - I Write Sins Not Tragedies, Panic! At The Disco 

I feel like I've been trapped in some sort of Japanese mind prison recently. What with having a near impossible, 3 hour Japanese A2 exam tomorrow morning, and my next exam being another 2 weeks away, I have spent almost all of the last two weeks living, breathing and practically eating Japanese. I really hope it pays off tomorrow. Oh well, to late to dwell on that now.

Anyway, due to this I have not really had a lot of creative things on my mind, or anything . When I do suddenly feel inspired I have to fight the urge to pursue the idea and push it to the back of my mind. I find this rather annoying, and it's made me realise that I really do want a job in the creative industry. I've really reached the end of my tether with this revision. I just find it very difficult to sit and try and retain information, my mind tends to wander, a lot. 

I comfort myself in the fact that this time tomorrow Japanese will be over and the only thing left to revise will be textiles which I don't mind as much and isn't quite as pressured as Japanese is (mind you I bet I'll be eating my words this time next week). Plus I've got some really great things lined up for the following 3 days after the exam! Firstly, on thursday I will be going up to Ravensbourne, where I could have been this evening if it weren't for Japanese, to see the end of year show for this years art foundation students and getting a taste of what next year will have in store for me. After that I'm going to stay up in London and try and go dress shopping. The last time I did this I gave up after one shop, so hopefully it will go a bit better this time. Although as it stand I will be window shopping as I have no budget. Anyway, on friday evening I am going to Wagamama's (which means selfish in case you were wondering, and I mustn't forget that for tomorrow's exam!) to see my favourite waiter, oh yeah, and not forgetting my friends, one of whom's birthday it is, which is why we're going.

But the to top it all off, and possibly the best news I've had in a while, I am going to the L.E.D Festival in Victoria Park this saturday!!!! And do you know why? Because my amazing mother WON us tickets!!! I had actually entered 3 separate competitions to win tickets to this, including one my local paper was running which both my mum and brother also entered. Well who would have known it but the local paper is worth reading after all! They called up my mum yesterday and told her she'd one! I know she'll be reading this at some point so I would like to say THANK YOU again!

I'm going to take this opportunity to say thankyou, to whoever might be out there, for reading. I know I tend to ramble a lot, but for some unknown reason this had record viewings last month (and by "record viewings" I mean about 150, which to be honest is the total viewing for the previous 4 months or so, so yes by my standards that is record!). So what I'd to say is thanks, and keep reading! And don't be scared to follow or comment!

Lyric of the Day: "Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so!"- Turning Japanese, The Vapors

(note: my Japanese exam was actually this morning, I got distracted before posting this last night but wanted to post it anyway. I'm sure this post is long enough already without going into the details but let's just say I am relieved, to say the least!)

So I officially left school this time last week, wow how time flies when you're revising Japanese all day! I know I left compulsory education two years ago but that doesn't really count, the following two years are practically the same as school. So this means no more lessons EVER!!! I don't think the enormity of that concept has really hit me yet. To be honest the only real lesson I had was Japanese and since I'm still doing that all day very day for the next 6 days I haven't really realised yet how much of a relief that is. Art is not really a lesson and we all know I'm far from finished with THAT. And well, the pathetic excuse for a lessons that is textiles, don't even go there.Whats more, the last day was the most unemotional last day in the history of the education system. Even my year 11 leavers day more sad, and I wasn't even leaving! That, in addition to the fact that I will still be going back there for at least another 6 or so days and we still have presentation evening and prom and all that jazz to get emotional over, means I don't even think I've realised I've even left school.

However, last night it suddenly dawned on me that without lessons, I will never see certain people again with a definite excuse. i.e. from here on in people who want to stay friends will need to make an actual effort to meet up. From here on in, you find out who your real friends are. Wow, that sounds dramatic. But it's true isn't it? Well, only time will tell what's going to happen from here on in.

On other news I am seeing my beloved White Lies again! (apart from Reading, which they'll be at and so will I!) What's more, it's at another intimate venue, Kasbah Coventry! Since York Hall was practically pure heaven I have high hopes for this one and I know they won't let us down! I'm actually getting really excited! Roll on the White Lies roadtrip!  

I'll leave with another photo I took from when we saw then at Shepherd's Bush this February, to remind you, in case you forgot, of how amazing they are (and how much a Dish of the Day Harry McVeigh is ; ) )

you don't know how long it took me to choose, there were too many good ones!

Lyric of the Day: "And just because he's had a couple of cans he thinks it's alright to act like a dickhead " - A Certain Romance, Arctic Monkeys

 

Moar? YES PLEASE!!!

I don't really know how well my last Blog post regarding Matt Bellamy's fashion sense went down but I'm sure there a few people who want some more so here it is! (I also quite like this as a break from revision and school and exams and just generally everything that's going on right now)

Matt on a magazine cover in 2001, image from microcuts.net

For my first full blown feature on the fashion sense of this legendary front man I am going all the way back to 2001, a full 10 years ago. It's funny how it wasn't that long ago that I though that 2001 wasn't really that much in the past but looking back on it now things, and especially fashion, have really changed. I personally feel I have been doing a lot of looking back recently due to the fact that I am leaving school (which I'll probably expand upon in another post, so you can look forward to that!).

Anyway, here Mr Bellamy is seen wearing a long-sleeved, black top with a round neckline and panels of black netting, or tulle for us "textile nerds "( I do hope this counts as revision!), in the sleeves. He teams this with the standard red spiked hair of the Origin of Symmetry era, which ladies I think we can all agree was the best era for hairstyles! This top particularly reminds me of the early naughties because it was around this time that me and my friends were starting to rebel against our parents clothing choices for us, well as much as you can when you're 8. Being a goth seemed cool back then and I particularly remember my friend having a top similar to this one, which I loved. The closest I got was a black and green striped top with safety pins and skulls. Oh well, maybe there'll be a goth revival and I can finally get my chance to wear some netted sleeves. 

Hmm, this has turned into more of a nostalgia fest than I intended. On a completely opposite note, I received a letter from Ravensbourne today with some very exciting news! It had the dates of some pre-September events for future events and the starting dates for the new term. Unfortunately, due to my Japanese exam, I can't attend one of these events and the first day is a week earlier than I thought it was. This makes it an extremely close shave with Reading; I start the morning after Muse, which will not be fun. Getting off a train after four days in a tent with barely a shower is not exactly the first impression I was hoping to make...

Lyric of the Day: "When I saw you last night I wanted to say run away with me...but all I could say was 'Hey'" - Mercury, Bloc Party