I am currently sitting here, writing this, on my laptop. Pretty normal you may think but the HP Wireless Assistant on my erratic laptop, which has failed me many a time, decided to just die on me over a month ago. After coming extremely close to throwing it out my window- I read countless online DYI articles about fixing it, to no avail- the internet is finally working again thanks to a USB connection. It is surprisingly liberating being able to browse the internet on the privacy of my laptop- not that I do anything dodgy on the internet! But since my laptop has been out of action I have been using the home PC and so my use of the internet has been only for homework and the odd social networking.  Hence my less frequent blog posts. This may have been a good thing; I had more time for homework with less distractions of pointless internet browsing. But then again it did make me feel strangely out of touch with the world. I suppose only time will tell if the lack of internet is a good thing.

Regardless, I have been thinking about the internet, and particularly the rise of Facebook. I was thinking about how many things I use Facebook for and how handy it really is. Its just weird the amount of things that I would now struggle to do without Facebook and how inconvenient I find it when someone doesn't have Facebook. But is it really a good thing? I sometimes find myself resenting it, I'm never 100% sure why but there can sometimes be something sinister about it. I suppose if you weren't to have it it would encourage more "real" forms of conversation, like phone calls. It's just too easy to send someone a Facebook message, easier than talking some may say, but if we continue like this will our real communications skills suffer in the future? This generation is the first to have grown up entirely with social networking sites so the effects can't yet be known but surely it will have a vast effect on the future of the human interaction?

Well, I may have got a bit carried away there but in other news: I have a Reading ticket!!! Even better Muse are headlining!!! After suffering severely from PMWS (Post-Muse Withdrawal Symptoms) for the past 6 months and having nothing tangible to concentrate my obsessive levels of fan-Dom (hahar!) on I can finally begin the countdown to what will hopefully be another out-of-this-world concert again! Plus, it's going to be an Origin of Symmetry special to celebrate the 10th anniversary of its release with a 3D representation of the album cover on the stage and the possibility of B-sides!!! I think I might just explode!!! 

Lyric of the Day: "This is the last time I'll abandon you" - Stockholm Syndrome, Muse

Deals With The Devil

I don't know if anyone else does this or if its just me being weird, as usual. But I sometimes think to myself, "If I do this, then that will/won't happen". That probably sounds quite normal but I'm talking about things which are out of my control. A trivial example would be before receiving exam results, a more extreme case would be if someone was ill and I wanted them to get better. When I say this I don't mean "if I revise then I will get good grades". What I mean is if I perform a completely unrelated task, it could be as random as going into a certain shop, then I will get good results, or whatever it may be that I'm hoping for. I also sometimes think that if there are two different situations which can have good outcomes, in this example me getting good grades and someone getting better, then only one can happen. These thoughts seem to be completely uncontrollable; I don't actively think about it but they just pop into my mind. The thing is once they are in my mind I have to see them through. If I don't complete the certain task the guilt will drive me crazy and if there is a bad outcome I will blame myself, as silly as this may be. And that is why I call it doing deals with the devil. I hate it, I used to do it a lot but I do it a lot less now.

On a completely different topic altogether, I went to see The Wombats on Monday night. They were amazing! It was such good fun! We started off the evening one row behind the barrier, right in the middle. I had a bit of a disjointed view though as the people in front were a bit on the tall side. However, it was fine, until the second support act came on and this bunch of annoying, putting it politely, girls started pushing between me and my friends to get to the barrier. Trying to hold my ground, and thinking it would stop when they got off the stage, I managed to keep my space, but I was separated, only by one person at this stage, from my friends. I thought I'd be able to get back before The Wombats came on but then a group of guys also started pushing forward, pushing the girls even further forward, and pushing me further away from my friends.  The Wombats then came on and the situation only got worse, so I surrendered and let myself get pushed back into the crowd and into the mosh pit. This was not a wise move for me; the floor was wet, my shoes had no grip and I am not a very stable person at the best of times. Needless to say I was on the floor within seconds, but not before I dragged some random guy down with me in an attempt to stay upright. I now have a massive lump on my leg but quite frankly it's a miracle how I got back up without being stampeded to death. After that I moved more to the left where the crowd was still pretty wild, but there weren't any death traps. Thinking I'd have to spend the rest of the night alone but not wanting to spoil seeing one of my favourite bands for the first time, I danced like no one was watching for about 5 songs. Then I heard my friend call my name, I turned around, and there they were! Finally reunited, the rest of the night was amazing! They played most of my favourite songs and the supports, Team Me and Morning Parade, were actually pretty good! I would definitely see them again!

Lyric of the Day: "If you love me let me got, back to that bar in Tokyo" - Tokyo (Vampires and Wolves), The Wombats

I think I know how Locke, a character from my favourite TV programme, Lost, feels. At my part time job I have once again returned to the dingy depths of the garage, surrounded by a fortress of boxes twice my height. I have to haul these boxes down to a height where I can reach, empty the contents into a shredding sack and then try and drag the sacks somewhere within the already jammed garage whilst still keeping the boxes in the garage. It is like the real life version of some sort of flash game, the name of which I cannot remember but it really remind me of some game I played as a kid, how I managed to manoeuvre the boxes and the bags in such a cramped space I do not know. Anyway, it is a job so boring and monotonous it is enough to make anyone want to slit their wrists with the paper for the shredding sacks.  This is how, I am sure, Locke must have felt, not feeling fulfilled in his job at a box factory, and this is exactly how I feel, or would feel if it were my full time job. I was told by a passer by that I must lead a terrible life, after all. However, unlike Locke I probably won't find the purpose of my life on a mysterious island with a smoke monster and a guy who wears a suspicious amount of eye-liner and never ages.

This is actually a promotion from my last job, would you believe it, of de-metalling; which is a glorified staple remover. I thought that was bad but at least then I got to sit on a comfy chair and plug in my iPod. There is no rest in the garage, unless you construct a sofa out of cardboard boxes which I may have done on the odd occasion. Plus, in the safety of an office there is not the constant threat of attack from giant spiders. I cannot complain too much though; it pays pretty well for what it is.

Lyric of the Day: "Savour the moment, because the memory's fleeting" - Easy Target, Blink-182

Well, today's Valentines day, and surprise surprise, its a let down, as usual. I would have said it was a let down but it is only 8 pm therefore the day is not over and it could still be good, the optimism inside me refuses to die. After all, there is a large, if heart shaped, chocolate cake yet to be eaten. And I say let down but I didn't expect anything in the first place. I do like the idea of Valentine's day, because I like cheese, as I think I've mentioned before, and I am a hopeless romantic deep down, but it really does no favours to teens, or single adults I'm sure. Many people of my age are already very self conscious and lacking in confidence so to have a day where the world (well the media really, they're always to blame) makes you feel worthless and ugly for not being loved by anyone really just rubs salt in the fragile wounds of insecure teens. I'm probably coming across as a bit more depressed than I actually am, but Valentines day is not really a day of any significance, unlike other saint's days, and yet it has become a day, fuelled by peer pressure, that many people see as a mark of their worth, and for some, single, people it is really the last thing they need. Again I may sound uncharacteristically pessimistic; I'm sure there are good sides to this day and if I was "loved up" I'd see it as just an excuse to make more of a deal over showing that special person that I care for them.

The disappointing nature of today does not bode well for the rest of the week. I predicted this morning that this week would be unbelievably crap in comparison to last week and I can see it coming true if I don't do something about it soon. Last week was very good, the best in a while and really what I needed. It was always going to be good as we had booked tickets to see my beloved White Lies on Thursday since before Christmas. Although I knew it would be good, because the White Lies do not have it in them to be a let down, it turned out so much better than I though it would be. I am sounding pessimistic again, I think the last few weeks have made me a cynic, I can't let that continue. But after seeing them at possibly the most intimate gig I will ever get the honor of being at in my life, York Hall, I really wasn't expecting it to be so good. First of all we managed to get right to the barrier yet again. I personally loved my position as I was unbelievably close to Harry McVeigh but at the same time I was right in the line of sight of Jack, the drummer. Not only this but I am pretty sure Harry recognized us, well we have seen them four times now, and on all occasions we were right at the barrier basically and we saw them at a signing. On top of this he properly looks you in the eyes and when you sing the lyrics back at him he does this ridiculously cute smile and you just know he loves it. The cherry on the cake was that they finally played E.S.T, one of my favorites and I have been waiting to hear it for aaages!!! AND they played Unfinished Business and Holy Ghost, my day was made. Oh yeah, and we got the set list and another guitar pic. AND there were no annoying arses shoving between us, in fact the crowd behind us was practically dead and we didn't get so much as nudged throughout the entire night.

I also had two study afternoons last week, which considering I have never had one before was quite a way to start the proceedings. I even had a half price lunch out with the girlies in one of them which really was surprisingly good fun and surprisingly delicious. Then on Saturday it was my brothers birthday party which turned out to be pretty fun. I was really in the mood for dancing but I wasn't sure if anyone would but they did so it was good! I also managed to go from having done absolutely no textiles coursework to having half finished my jacket. So all in all it was a pretty good week.

Basically, I think I need to learn not to think weeks will be bad because they won't be as good as other events in my life. My life will probably be better when I live as if each week is a new opportunity to do great things and maybe it will be better than the week before, you never know. (I told you I liked cheese) I think I came up with this theory after seeing Muse in Wembley Stadium; this was, and remains, the best concert I have ever been to. I was worried that any future concert I would ever go to would be a massive let down since it would never be as good as that night. However, I just thought, if I mentally separate the Muse concert from all other concerts I can't compare them and it will be fair on the other bands. If you are following this then I think it is a pretty good analogy to life. If you were to live by comparisons I don't think you would every be truly happy.

As for Valentines day, I think music, and the dish of the day himself, Harry McVeigh will be my Valentine.


Lyric of the day: "I'm your absent Valentine" - Embrace, Chase & Status feat. White Lies

Magic Fingers

I have just recently started my exam module for my art A-Level, this time last week actually. Our new title is "Exploration and Discovery". I'm not going to lie, the first thing that popped into my head was pirates. I do like pirates, I held a Pirate themed night last summer, I like holding themed nights, my forte is Mexican nights. But after that initial thought I realised instantly why, the very next day, we had to go to the British Museum. Oh God, it's going to turn into such a cliche, I thought, drawing old pots and other so-called "discoveries". Yes, I know that technically these are discoveries as they were literally dug up from the ground but I really don't like taking the literal meaning from an art theme, and plus I'm not really into history, it's all about the future.

I began the trip by pointlessly wondering around the Egyptian and Greek sculpture rooms taking pictures of everything in case in turned out to be necessary. I couldn't have been less interested or less inspired. We were meant to do some drawings as well but I couldn't see any thing I produced form this day being any good. However, after a while I found the room with the mummies in it. I had the thought of looking at them on the back of my mind all morning and thought I'd indulge myself, although I really didn't want to have anything to do with them in my art book. It was here I saw this skeleton and, a bit morbid I know, a corpse which, despite being hundreds, maybe thousands, of years old, still had flesh and hair. Thinking I'd hit the jackpot I started sketching them.

It was then that a horde of primary school kids stormed and shoved right past me, interrupting my tranquil sketching time and blocking my view. Typical, I thought, until one by one the kids noticed what I was doing. Then the awestruck gasps began. (yeah, not to blow my own horn or anything) Then this one little girl asked me if I had magic fingers! Thinking she was being nice about my drawing I modestly admitted that I am no magician, just insanely good at drawing. I realized immediately that I had just missed the perfect opportunity to manipulate the whole class of kids that I was, in fact, magical. Looking back at my drawing I realized then why the girl thought I was magic; I was holding a tiny piece of charcoal between my fingers, so small you couldn't see it, and as I moved it across the page, marking it with charcoal she must has thought my fingers were just making it appear, as if by magic. Hmmm, I wonder who else I can fool with this...

That was just about the best part of that trip, unfortunately I feel myself being sucked into the black hole of cliched artwork. We are being made to work on from our trip and since the only thing to see there was ancient artifacts and old pots it seems that this is what I will be doing. Oh well, if it gets you the grades.
I seriously cannot wait for art foundation.

In other news there have been no musician sightings this week, so far. Tomorrow I am seeing the White Lies though!  You never know, I may finally get my photo...

Lyric of the Day: "Controlling my feelings for too long...pushing us into self destruction" - Showbiz, Muse

So it turns out I am not 100% free from maths, yet. After being blissfully unaware of what was to come I spent little just under a week, which was actually only about one maths lesson due to my interviews, enjoying free periods in place of my maths lessons. Then, the rude awakening came in the form of my maths teacher approaching me one morning before maths telling me that I still had to attend the lessons in case I failed the exam and had to re-take it. How pessimistic can you get? Well I had decided that I didn't need maths anyway for an art foundation so didn't really care if I failed. But, my inner (well maybe not-so-inner) goody-two-shoes prevailed, and the promise of EMA, and I reluctantly went to maths. How was I ever going to finish my art and textiles coursework now? However, my mini-drama didn't last long as our protesting in the maths lesson, preventing the people who didn't drop maths from learning, forced our teacher into negotiating free periods with us and I can now FINALLY say that I am free from maths.  

I heard back from Kingston the other day. I received an email which very kindly stated in capital letters on the subject of the email "Reject". How nice. I didn't even have to open the email, so considerate. This may seem like a bad loser type thing to say but I didn't even really like the place anyway. Seriously, what kind of University locks the building on the day of an open day so you can't see inside?

On the extremely bright side, I head back from Ravensbourne, my top choice, today. I was offered a place!!! Now I just need to sort out some from of transport, it is possible that I may spend at least 3 hours a day commuting, either that or pay un-holy sums of money for accommodation in central London. I think my final decision will be made after I go to the Bucks New Uni open day.

It has come to my attention that my blogs are getting a little wordy and since it is meant to be my journey to becoming a fashion designer I should really start posting some more of my work. So here is my A2 art coursework final piece (no where near finished mind you). I made it by sewing and weaving together a selection of dyed tissue paper, melted plastic bags and papier-mached newspaper which I then mono printed over. Its part of my recycling project. I have got so much more to add to it and we're technically meant to be finished the module now. Yeah. Now you see why I need all my free periods for art.

Lyric of the Day: "And I can tell just what you want, you don't want to be alone" - What You Know, Two Door Cinema Club

Well the day is finally here, I am finished maths FOREVER!!!!!! (well you know, as far as school work goes) Today was my first full day back at school since I finished my maths A Level, I was at a Ravensbourne interview and a Central Saint Martins portfolio review last Thursday and Friday (more of that in a bit), and I loved it! I didn't realize not having to go to a maths lesson for the first time in 14 years would be so liberating! It feels so good to have 2/3 of my lessons being creative! I have so much more time to spend on my art and textiles now so hopefully I can actually get my coursework done, well that's easier said than done, watch this space.

So, I went for my interview at Ravensbourne on Thursday, I think it went alright, felt pretty painless, actually not as bad as I thought it would. It's now definitely my top choice, but I'm not too sure on the practicalities of getting their, the journey to North Greenwhich via the Picadilly line was a nightmare; try squeezing yourself onto an already jam packed train with two massive art folders and a lady with a suitcase complaining at you because you have the ignorance to think you'll get on this train! I got on though and made it just in time. Luckily, the Jubilee line was a lot less crowded and this is the line I would be using if I went there. I am making no further comment on the interview itself because I have no idea how it actually went as the lady interviewing me gave me absolutely no signs as to whether she liked my work, unlike the last interview. The student ambassador on the other hand said I would make a great textiles student though! Note to self: must not get my hopes up!

Then, the next day I had my portfolio review at Central Saint Martins. Apart from missing the train I originally intended to get due to the extremely irregular traffic Slough suffered that morning, Murphy's law of course, and arriving 20 minutes late and then having to lug my work up 4 flights of stairs, almost killing myself in the process, it was an extremely easy day. The fact that I was late turned out to pose no problems at all and I got to browse around London whilst they decided my fate. You could say it was a pretty good day; I bought some of my favorite Meron Pan from the Japan center, I got to look in all the shops with practically no-one in them, I ate my lunch in Covent Garden whilst watching a street performer (I think it was called the Tom show?), albeit in the freezing cold, and I bought a bag that I have had my eye on for aaages in Irregular Choice that was reduced from £45 to £18! And the best part? I only went and bumped into Dom from Muse, my favorite band!

This is how it happened: I was starting to get a little bored (you'll be suprised how bored you can get in London when you know you have to spend a certain amount of time there and you're on your own) so I didn't really know what to do so I just started walking down Oxford street, I was by the Tottenham Court Road end. Then what happens? A taxi pulls up next to me and who gets out and walks right in front of me? Only flipping Dom from Muse! I literally stopped in my tracks! And this was no Harry McVeigh moment, this was definitely the real deal! I could not believe my luck! Dazed and starstruck I continued to walk in the direction I was going, no real point to where I was going. About 3 minutes later I thought to myself, "What if he's going to meet the rest of the band? I must follow him!" Yeah, an obsessive shot in the dark thought to have but I had nothing better to do. So, despite almost 5 minutes passing, I continued down the road I saw Dom go down and reached a Tesco. Just as I thought "this is getting ridiculous" who do I see by the checkout in Tesco? Yes, Dom again! I slowed down and did a bit of a double take to check it definitely was him and yeah, it definitely was! I didn't go in though (not that much of a stalker!) but continued until I reached a corner where I stopped and got out my phone to text some people what I had just seen. However, my phone was being its usual self and not working so I gave up. Putting my phone away I realized I had got myself onto a small side road in London by myself and thought "Well I've had my fun, now its getting stupid" and  turned back towards Oxford street. I was just grinning stupidly to myself, not quite believing my luck, when I see Dom again! This time he's walking in my direction, but he's with someone whos talking to him so I don't disturb him by shrieking about how much I love Muse. Instead I just slow down as much as I can without him noticing and just gawk. Yeah, I really just wanted to respect his privacy, it was clearly his day off.

All in all, it was pretty surreal. Like one of those moments when it feels like you're actually watching it on tv, when in fact you're there! That brings me to my lyric of the day, it seems only apt for it to be a Muse song...

Lyric of the day: "Future soul forgive this mess, you waste twenty years, then wind up alone, demented" - Fury, Muse